hee. hee. let's see how many google hits i get for that one, eh?
i know that i often talk about my period in here and today is another day when i'm going to do just that. if you'd like not to know, just skip this part. lalalala. so last month, on the new moon, we were in hawaii. and i got my period. and my goodness. it was like old times. short. sweet. to the point. not a lot of blood. no accidents. not cramping. three days. done. i remarked to dave that perhaps all that madness was behind me.
new moon was yesterday as you all should already know. period arrived right on schedule. in floods. gushing geysers. clots the size of my head. i honestly feel like a cow. a big cow with a ginormous uterus.
and of course, because i'm me, i went to the post office today. and because i'm me and have told this story so many times, you all know what happened. don't you? you already are going, "no, jen, please say it isn't so." but i can't do that, now, can i? because i have pants with blood soaked down to the knees. or ankles, depending on which side you're checking out. disgusting. and guess what else? they're my very favorite jeans. my high school jeans. my jeans that have been with me since i was sixteen. and now? now? bloody hell. just plain bloody hell. they look like they played a role in carrie.
i'm hopeful that the wash will bring them back. i walked home, gushing blood in amounts that just seemed quite impossible, and into our garage and ripped the pants off and threw them into the washer. with enough oxyclean to sink a ship. they're still soaking. the oxyclean bubbles are bright red. like a murder took place. yikes.
so here's what i'm thinking. i've been going for acupuncture treatments. i went in november. in december, whamo, blood like niagra falls. i didn't go in december because the clinic was closed for the holidays and we were off to hawaii. i went two weeks ago, because we were back. i mentioned to my acupuncturist that things are definitely productive! she gave me more special pills and herbs, and needles in places we don't really even want to discuss. no, seriously, you don't want to know.
and now, new moon. and a red river is flowing out of me like the amazon. along with the clots that could choke a rhinoceros. thank god i'm otherwise healthy. otherwise i might just faint from the loss of all this blood.
we'll see how long this lasts. it's day two. i want it all over tomorrow. somehow, i don't think that's gonna happen. but if i get to day five and i'm still bleeding all over the post office? well, national security may be at risk.